JAN 10 Teachers Feedback on my Script

I got given Feedback on my Script from my Teacher. I only got 42% on my 1st Script. I was very disappointed with that mark.

The Story telling was weak. The script had technical issues. What street? Hong Kong? Bath? What sort of Street? High Street?

I had kept on saying in the script, 'She says', 'He Says', that is un conventional! Must not say, 'He says'.

The Sleeping Pills acted too quickly! This Porcess needs to be slower. The ending was not Logical! My Script needs more action. I used the adjective 'nasty' too many times. My script had too much 'sweating' in it. I need to compensate with other actions such as, biting the nails, rubbing hands through hair etc.

I did not show the Chef actually preparing the food. I was lacking a montage. The audience needs to see that the Chef is doing his job. Instead of saying, 'The chicken felt hard to eat', I should have said, 'The chicken was really hard to eat'.

The Script Writers do not Direct the Actors. The Writers also do not Direct the Directors.