2010 My Comments on other Students Scripts

I have made critical feedback on a couple of scripts that 2 of my class mates made. My class and I were told to take on the role of a 'critical friend'.

Lydon McGuckian's Script

I found the story, straight forward. I could picture the story very easily in my mind. I can see it being played on screen. However, I am wondering why you did not give the 'old man' a name? Giving him a name would have added to the realism of the story. Do you know any elderly men willing to play the 'Old Man' role?

Rosie Harris's Script.

What I actually said on Minerva about Rosie's Script:
Comment made by Alfred Letley. This was a very realistic story. Its risky moving into a new house and I think students watching this story being filmed on the screen can identify with the girls frustration. The phrase, 'could you come at fix it', was amusing but also repetitive. How are you going to show the mould and the worms on the wall? On Page 6 it says, 'The house is nothing more than a pile of bricks', How are you going to show that the house has been destroyed? That is going to confuse the audience when they see a pile of bricks outside the house. It is not going to be easy to show the audience that the house has been destroyed.

On Page 2, you said, 'tacky television show being broadcast', this is a grammatical error, its meant to be broadcasted.

Additional comments that are not on Minerva:
This was a very realistic story. Its risky moving into a new house and I think students watching this story being filmed on the screen can identify with the girls frustration because of, 'Shower rail broken', ' telly broken', ' bathroom door broken', 'slugs in the kitchen', 'toilet won't flush', 'problem with the front door, 'kitchen flooded' because of the washing machine, 'rat droppings', 'crack in the ceiling', 'worms and mould' and 'the house has fallen down'.

'tacky television show being broadcast', grammatical error, its meant to be broadcasted.

The whole class had to put their names down beside some scripts. I put my name down beside:

Rosie Harris's Script is about students living in a house. They keep on complaining. I put my name down beside this script because I was told by my teacher to do a critical analysis on her script.

Rebecca Weller's Script is about an interesting and complicated love story. I put my name down beside this script because Becky Weller is one of my good friends at this uni. Ive worked with her before when we were both doing a Presentation. We worked very well together as a team. I saw her short film, I know what she is capable of.

Elspeth Wilde's Script is also about a complicated relationship between a boy and a girl. I put my name down beside this script because Elspeth is also oneof my good friends at this uni. I saw her short film, I also know what she is capapble of.

Mark Gingell's Script is about. I put my name down beside this script for a few reasons: 2. Mark is one of my closest friends at this uni. 3. I watched his short film, I know he is very keen to be part of the film crew.

Katie Greenstone's Script is about a very 'messy' party. I put my name down beside this script for a few reasons: 1. Our Peer Group (18, 19, 20 year olds) do have messy parties.